Our correspondent speaks to mature singles about what they will do if their parents reject their choice of spouse

Segun Daniels

It would surely be a difficult and emotional scenario if my parents refused my choice of spouse. In such a case, I would first try to have an open and honest talk with them, conveying my views and the reasons behind my partner's selection. I would pay close attention to their concerns, demonstrating that I appreciate their input. However, keep in mind that marriage is a profoundly personal decision, and in the end, I would have to prioritize my happiness and well-being. If, despite my efforts to speak and establish common ground, my parents continued to refuse, I would seek assistance and support from other family members, close friends, or a professional therapist to help me negotiate this difficult issue. Finally, if my parents refused to give their approval and assent, I would not enter into the marriage. As a Christian, I honor my parents in accordance with the scriptures and their commands.

Amusa Adeola

Parental rejection of a spouse's choice is a heartbreaking and emotional problem. If I find myself in this scenario, I will first speak with my parents in the absence of my spouse to learn about their concerns. If their arguments do not persuade me, I will communicate our compatibility, his values, and qualities. If this does not work, I shall seek the advice of a neutral and qualified third party. It could be a respected religious leader, a counselor, or a family elder. But, if this second step fails (which is extremely unlikely), I will give them enough time to reconsider my decision. This could take anywhere from three to six months.

During this time, I would notify my spouse's family about the issue. If they haven't changed their minds after six months, I'll see how my spouse and his family react and pray about it. The reactions of my spouse and his family will influence my decision.

Joseph Babatunde  

By God's grace, my parents have never refused my choices since I began making them in life, since they know God knows about them. If my parents now deny my choice, I will take a step back and assess what went wrong. Because they mean well for me and our family's source of decision is God, as stated in Joshua 24:15. For example, while I was telling God about picking a spouse at a certain moment in my life, my mother phoned me on the phone and revealed to me a message she received from God regarding the subject.

I had to change my mind because of the word from God through her. I informed her of a new lead, and she was relieved because God was aware of it.

Akanmu Fiyin

Marriage is not something that African parents take lightly. It's one of those "our family married your family" situations. Couples do not get married under the mistletoe. As a result, parents become heavily interested in who their children marries. My parents are the people I turn to when I need help. I involve them in every major decision I make; their affection and experience enable them to provide valuable input. So, if they reject to marry the person I chose, I feel it is out of love. Most of the time, being in love makes one oblivious to many things; we tend to miss or fail to notice really obvious things. I'll try to reason with them.

I'll investigate why they rejected my proposal. If their explanations are frivolous, I show them facts—I show them why my choice is fine or even better than theirs. I explain to them why I made my decision. When I tell my mother that I want to marry someone who makes me "giggle," she says, "Not only giggling is considered a good marriage oh." In essence, I shall do everything in my power to enlighten them. If they persist, I will reconsider my decision.

Arigbabu Oluwashola

If my parents refused my preferred partner, I would address the matter with kindness, compassion, and open dialogue. I would strive to understand their concerns and the grounds for their displeasure. It is critical to examine their point of view and respect their feelings while also asserting my independence and happiness. In this circumstance, I would have genuine dialogues with my parents, addressing their concerns and assuring them of my selected partner's qualities and compatibility. If required, I would enlist the assistance of a neutral mediator, such as a family counsellor, to enable constructive discourse and the discovery of common ground.

However, if my parents refused despite my best efforts, I would be forced to make a terrible choice. Finally, I would prioritize my happiness and well-being, ensuring that my decision is consistent with my values and future goals. While respecting my parents' views, I would strive for a balance that would allow me to pursue a happy and fulfilling life with the person I believe is appropriate for me.

Ebere joy

It would be a difficult and stressful issue to negotiate if my parents denied my choice of spouse. First and foremost, I would try to comprehend their worries and the grounds for their displeasure. To correct any misunderstandings and create common ground, open and honest communication is required. Following that, I will calmly and respectfully convey my views and thoughts, stating why I believe my selected partner is the ideal person for me. Sharing our compatibility, common beliefs, and future goals may help my parents understand the breadth of our connection. It is critical to maintain patience and empathy during this process, as my parents' objections may be motivated by genuine worries for my well-being.

I would try to reassure them that I had considered their points of view, but that my happiness and life decisions were ultimately mine. As an adult, I have the right to make my own decisions, particularly about my life partner. I'd like to emphasize how much I respect their viewpoints. It's critical to strike a balance between respecting my parents' wishes and asserting my independence. I would continue to love and appreciate my parents while remaining committed to my chosen partner. My parents may come to embrace my decision after some time, with patience, prayers, and understanding. If not, I would attempt to keep a positive relationship with my spouse while living a fulfilling life.

Sikiru Emmanuel

What will a bachelor or spinster do if he brings a spouse home to his parents and that companion is rejected? What will I do if I am the one who is impacted by such a decision? To begin, I will not convince my parents about my partner on my own; instead, I will seek advice from elder individuals, possibly pastors or counsellors, and tell them what I observed and loved about the lady, as well as the consequences of my not marrying the young lady.

Also, I might want to talk to my parents about the reason(s) for their rejection of my marriage; if it's genuine and I'm convinced enough, I might give in to their wishes; if not, I'll do my best to convince them of the reasons why I chose the lady. Finally, as already stated, parents have a say in the choice of spouse. An African proverb states: "What an old man sees while sitting, a young man cannot see even if he climbs a tree." If I'm convinced enough of my parents' reasoning, I may opt to let her leave; if not, I'll persuade them to force me to marry the lady after all, I shall face the repercussions alone, and no one will be present whether I enjoy or dislike the marriage.

Boluwatife Ajayi-Segun

If my parents were to object to my choice of spouse, I would handle the situation delicately and sensitively. I would first try to understand their concerns and the grounds behind their refusal. Then I'll have an in-depth chat with my parents to persuade them, explaining my choice of spouse and addressing their concerns. If my chat with them proves fruitless, I may approach some senior persons my parents hold in high respect and persuade them to assist me in convincing my parents.

If they are persistent, I may have to pick again because parental blessings are very important to me and I would love to get them when I begin my marital life adventure. I also see a union in which both parents accept and treat each child's partner as one of their children; this will not be possible if they do not support my decision.

Babalola Damilare

There are numerous considerations that both parties must consider when getting married. Over time, I've come to realize that our elders will always be the eldest, not just in age, but also in wisdom, which comes with years of experience and age. It is sometimes difficult to see things close to us because the closer we get to people, the more sentimental we get about them. When we are advised against our will, it can be hurtful and unacceptable to us because it is often difficult to see things close to us because the closer we get to people, the more sentimental we become about them. "Love is blind, marriage is the eye opener," as the saying goes. In comparison to us, our parents have seen and experienced life with open eyes. The parents are to blame for their child's error.

Experience is important, but it can also be overestimated since context is important, and many experiences are frequently out of context. Interreligious, interracial, and cultural unions, for example, were nearly impossible to sustain a few decades ago, but today, the tensions posed by these differences have significantly decreased as humanity has shifted toward pragmatism/liberalism in relationships over radicalism. In a nutshell, I'm not going anywhere. I'll sit down with my parents and talk about their decision, and then I'll try to figure out what I'm missing in terms of their fact checking and worries. At the end of the day, the decision is entirely mine.

Dosumu Temitope

I would tackle the difficult situation of my parents refusing my choice of partner with honesty and empathy. I'd start by explaining why they don't want him, and then I'd emphasize the strength of my relationship with him, emphasizing the aspects that make him unique and the love we have. Following that, I'd actively listen without judgment, respecting their opinions and ideals.

I recognize the need of creating an open and non-confrontational conversation space. To bridge the divide, I'd try to understand their concerns and collaborate to find common ground, seeking concessions that would help them feel more at ease with my decision. The trick, in essence, is to build understanding and respect amongst generations while remaining loyal to one's heart.